Poker and Marriage

On the Women’s Poker Club forum they have a thread that asks about family and spousal support. There were a wide variety of answers from very positive to mixed feelings to not liking that their spouse or family member played poker at all. This got me thinking about how much poker has become a part of my life and how it has affected my marriage. In early posts I talked about the family support I have and how my husband and I support each other.

We have been married twenty years and have had a pretty good relationship. We have had our ups and downs like most families and some very trying times when our two sons were seriously injured in an auto accident in 1994. There was a time when we didn’t think we would make it through but we did.

As our children grew we found more free time to spend with each other. It was great at first and we had many stimulating conversations about the children over lazy lunches. Over time though we became a little bored and when we agreed not to talk about the children we found that more and more we had nothing to say to each other. We drifted a little and our conversations lagged. It didn’t take long for us to realize that we needed to find something to occupy our time away from each other so that when we were together we had something to share.

Over the years I had developed a close friendship with a woman whose son was also in an accident, while riding his bike he was hit by a truck, he had issues similar to my son. We supported each other and used each other for resources. She started working for an organization called the Arc as an advocate for persons with developmental disabilities. She asked me if I would be interested in being a board member. I had never done anything like this before and until my son was injured had no experience with persons with disabilities. After some persuasion on her part I said okay. I also started volunteering for activties at the Arc and even started a book club. This added meaning to my life, gave me something to share and talk about with my husband. I am still on the board of directors and even did two terms as President of the board.

This experience taught me that even though I love my husband and family very much I need to have something meaningful to do that is just for me. I didn’t want a regular job because I needed the flexibility to take care of my son and also because I like having my days free to do what I want.

When my husband first started playing poker I was supportive but not that involved in what he was doing. I would listen to him talked about players and hands but didn’t really understand what he was talking about. I was just happy that he found something that was making him happy. He bugged me to learn the game because he wanted to be able to play poker in Las Vegas without feeling like he was leaving me behind. I did learn and as you know have fallen in love with the game. It has also given my husband and I something to talk about and support each other. We have also learned that we can take trips without each other. Several times a year I will take a trip with my girlfriend or family and my husband will do the same for himself. I have married friends who are always together and are unwilling to try something new or unable. Boredom and stagnation was causing us to drift apart poker has given us a way to come together again. Someday we may become bored with each other again and have to find something else to keep us entertained until then we don’t have to sit and stare at each other over the lunch table.

My First Victory!

In September 2004, my husband and I went to Las Vegas to play in a friend’s tournament. This would be the second time we played in this tournament. The tournament was a three-day affair at the Sunset Station Casino in Henderson. This time we stayed in the hotel. It was very nice and had floor to ceiling windows across one wall that showed a fantastic view of the mountains. I left the curtains open the whole time we were there. On Friday we went to a small private welcome party in one of the conference rooms. It was very nice with good food and friendly people.

The first tournament was on Saturday. It had sixty participants and was also held in a conference room. We had prizes and gifts, even our own bartender. The dealers were fun, hilarious and very professional. We had the tournament director announcing some of the action. They even had a Sunset Station jacket for the first person out. It was funny watching a couple of the guys fight over who would win the jacket.

Even though we only had around sixty players they came from all over. We even had a young man from England come to play. He was very sweet and funny. I played tight and very basic poker. I was still new to the game and needed to work on my confidence in my decision-making.

When we got down to three tables I was moved to a table with M. from England, my husband and a girl friend named T. She is a very aggressive player and was running over the table. I watched her closely for a few rounds and started seeing a pattern to her betting. I started playing back at her by re raising and sometimes going all-in. After a few hands of this she re adjusted her play and started slow playing big hands. She got me a couple of times but not enough to put me out. I again had to adjust to her play and slow down. I knocked out M. from England with a hard to see boat. He didn’t believe that I would play anything before the flop other than premium hands and this allowed me to mask my hand.

He was so sweet he wanted to give me a hug after I knocked him out but wanted to make sure it was okay with my husband first. I laughed and said hug away I say it’s okay. There weren’t a lot of big hands after that and the table slowly whittled down to four people. After the forth person was out it left husband, T. and me. We decided to chop three ways and give the dealers a nice tip, then play on for the trophy and 1st place bragging rights.

It didn’t take long for T. to be out. Then it was just my husband and I. We had agreed before the tournament started that we would play each other just like anyone else if not harder. I wanted to beat him so bad. We went back and forth with lots of cheering from the railbirds. It was getting late and I felt that some of the people were getting a little antsy so I started pushing with any king, ace or connected cards. I finally knocked my husband out of the tournament with A6 and he held something like 87. I was so excited. I received a very nice trophy and a Sunset Station jacket. The bartender even made me a very yummy “fruity” drink, since I’m not a big drinker.

Overall it was a great experience. I really felt that we were treated like high rollers. It was well organized and lots of fun. The first trophy I have ever won in anything sits on my fireplace mantle. When my husband’s ego starts to get on my nerves I pick up my trophy and tell him I’m going to polish it.

Lisa "Shion" Torres

What are they playing?

In November 2001 my husband and I went to Las Vegas for the first time. We had a budget of $100.00 each per day for all of our expenses including gambling. We pretty much stuck with five dollar blackjack and some slots.

One day we were walking around Binion’s Horseshoe Casino when we passed by the poker room. My husband used to play Stud every Sunday with a group of friends when we were first married. He wanted to check it out. They weren’t playing Stud though it was some game called Omaha and Hold em. We didn’t have a clue what these games were and how to play them. We watched for a while but were too chicken to play.

After we arrived home from our trip the interest in what they were playing was still there. At this time poker on the internet was just getting up and running. My husband researched the games and found that a game called limit hold em was becoming popular. He learned how to play the game and signed up at Party Poker. I was too worried about security for my money and nervous about playing. My husband kept nagging me to learn so that we could play together. After awhile I gave in and said okay. He taught me the basics of the game and would beat me every time we played together. I would have given it up if not for the competitiveness between us. He tends to beat me at most competitions such as Jeopardy, cards, scrabble etc.

A few months later we heard that the casino across the river from us was opening a small poker room. We decided to give it a try. It really wasn’t a poker room so much as a couple of tables in a roped off area. They only had 5/10 limit hold. That was a little steep for me but it was the only choice for live poker. We each sat down with $100.00 each. I was very nervous and sat by the dealer so that he could help me with betting etc.

I made lots of mistakes and got yelled at by the dinosaurs who made up the rest of the table. I let their words flow around me. One of the first things my husband said was that I would need a tougher skin to play poker. I had to learn to put up with the snide comments about my play, being a women etc. I did river my husband a couple of times which pissed him off. I told him I was going to play him just like everyone else from the beginning or I would be too intimidated. Underneath it I was thinking “Yeah baby, I finally found a sport I can beat you at.”

We both went home with double our buy-in. That was it for me I was hooked. I would practice every chance I could get. We would play poker once or twice a week. I would watch poker on tv and try to copy what the pros were doing. I subscribed to Card Player and read it from front to back. I stuck with the articles on hold em. I read Super System and drove my husband nuts with all of my questions. I was on my way to being a poker player.

Next time I will talk about winning my first tournament.
Lisa "Shion" Torres

Cards Gone Bad

It’s been a long few weeks that all poker players will eventually have to go through if they play long enough. “You’re not getting any cards or luck”. It seems that everybody else on the table are getting good cards, with lots of action happening around you, raising and reraising of the pots, hands going to the river with good cards being shown down at the end. You can’t seem to even get two connectors, let alone two flush cards so suited and connected – forget it. As for pairs – you end it preying for even a pair of ducks…

You try to make some moves to win the blinds but with others catching cards, its hard to bluff and when you try to win a race you fail. It can be a very long tournament when this is happening and a long slow death can happen until you’re eventually all in with the best “card” you’ve seen all day – or basically what you hope will be any “two live cards”.

Not much you can do but ride it out and keep your fingers crossed that it will end sooner rather than later, but know it will eventually come to an end. Statistically this will happen to everybody at sometime.

In the past year this has happened to me on two occasions, December 2006 was a very bad month and left me in negative equity for that month. But after the New Year it changed and I was able to play some good poker and finish in the money on quite a few tournaments more than making up for the previous losses.

The next time it started at The Amateur Poker Players Tour (APAT) Scottish Championship in Edinburgh on 14 April. Somehow I managed to last six hours with no cards. Once I did get a pair, QQs on the BB. With five callers in the pot I took the option and raised my BB by 9x the blind. All five called the raise… !!!. Flop came A52, SB came out betting. Starting to get frustrated I reraised him (I was the original raiser, wanted to make sure he had hit that Ace, but with six people in the pot it was a bad move – one of them was sure to have an Ace and there were four people behind me still to act). The rest of the table folded and the SB reraised me all in. I had to reluctantly fold after a few minutes of dramatics. SB showed an A 5o, you know your luck is out when he hits two pair on the flop, with all the callers out there I don’t really know what he thought he was beating preflop. You just have to hold your head in your hands and bemoan the fact that it had to happen in a large tournament.

Finally, last Friday and Sunday (4th and 6th May), my luck turned and I started to get hands I could play some poker with and I started to hit some of the flops. Friday I finished 1st and Sunday 2nd. Only the weekly tournaments at our local Casino - not big championship games but not bad payouts and not only am I back into positive equity for the month I have a nice profit.

Just remember negative swings in luck do happen to every player. Try not to let it get to you and don’t ‘push’ trying to win your money back. You’re not the only player out there it’s happening too (just feels like it at the time). Eventually it will end and you will start to get your fair share of playable hands and good flops for your cards.

Luck is just statistics and it does even out eventually, so with good play and good management of your bankroll you will be able to ride the bad times and make up for it in the good times. Good play will always be a pay off.



Linda Iwaniak
UK Ladies Open Poker Champion

Discussion with Senator D'Amato

Recently Woman Poker Player was invited to listen in to the Webcast with Poker Player Alliance Senator Al D'Amato and the president of the PPA Michael Bolcerek. There were some great points made that are the basis of the PPA and could help bring poker back to the internet legally by allowing us to deposit and make playing online poker in the US easier for all that enjoy the game.

1. The Unlawful Internet Gaming Enforcement Act of 2006 was literally passed in the middle of the night and was never open to debate or consideration. The Act was added to a bill to safeguard US ports from terrorist attacks. The bill itself was important to pass. The addition of the the UIGE was a sneaky attempt by some of our elected representatives to create the beginnings of internet gambling prohibition.

2. The law excludes Horse racing, state lotteries and betting on fantasy sports. Poker players are being discriminated against by the government.

3. Legitimate poker sites are being chased out of the US to be replaced by more unscrupulous poker outlets coming in.

4. One of the issues being brought up in the debate of online poker is that teenagers have easier access. If the US can regulate online poker there is plenty of technology to prohibit teenagers and minors from having attmittance to the online sites. Senator D'Amato used prohibition as an example. When prohibition was in effect people found alcohol anyway. It opened up underground clubs, dangerous conditions, people were drinking anything including poisonous substances.

5. The US is losing over $3 billion in revenue. Many of the online poker rooms have agreed that they would pay US taxes if they were able to do business in the US.

6. The UK and other countries are supervising the online poker rooms. There is no reason why the US cannot do the same.

7. The United States has already been found in breach of the trade accords set by the WTO for keeping other countries from competing with the US. If the US continues to take this stance on online gambling there are likely to be more sanctions.

8. Many diabled and senior citizens enjoy the sport of poker. Many do not have the means to go to legal land based poker rooms. They are being discriminated against by the UIGE.

The PPA and Senator D'Amato encourage all poker players to continue writing their elected officials. Remember, we elected them, we dont have to do it again.

You can hear more about the conference at the Poker Players Alliance website

So...you got a job yet?

Although I would never class myself as a professional poker player, it’s really all that I do now to earn money. What started out as fun nights out after work has slowly developed into my passion.

After we sold our business, I was left with a great deal of time on my hands and I went back to work doing temporary work as an accountant. Not being experienced in the SOX legislation and being out of the profession a few years, it was extremely difficult to get a job that paid enough to warrant going back to work fulltime. I was playing poker more and more between assignments. I was making more money playing cards than I was on the temporary assignments and I didn’t have to deal with the way temps are treated by co-workers. After much soul searching and discussion with my husband, we decided that I wouldn’t go back to work and just play poker fulltime. His paycheck covered our expenses and allowed me the flexibility to pursue this venue. Thanks to premade frozen dinners or double meals made, there is usually dinner for the family on the nights that I’m not home. I set myself a goal of earnings each week but met with much up and down success. In January, I took a poker camp, which turned on a “light” for me and I’ve had more consistent success ever since.

Unfortunately, my husband was let go 2 months ago and the safety net that I’ve always had was gone! Senior management positions are fewer and we both know that it may take awhile before he returns to work. The onus is now on me to provide income. This is a task much easier said than done. I had to get past….”my family is depending on me….don’t lose your money”….thoughts streaming through my mind. I must admit that I’ve tightened up my playing style but I try to push these thoughts away while playing. “Just play the game, think each hand through before you act”, this is what I concentrate on . I keep meticulous win/loss/expense records for our beloved IRS, which also allows me to track my own progress through the months. It has taken the pressure off of my husband and thus, lowered any related tensions. I know he is very proud of how well I am doing and has told me so many times.

Every time that I phone back home and talk to my father, he always asks “Do you have a job yet”, though I’ve told him several times what I do. “No, Dad” I answer, with a sigh. Maybe when I win the WSOP……….

When Expectations Fail

Two weeks ago I planned a much needed poker trip to Mount Pleasant, a two-hour drive from my home. After a busy month I was looking forward to some alone time with some poker thrown in. I signed up for the end of the month tournament. It was $175.00 for 5000 in starting chips with thirty-minute rounds. The blinds did double instead of increasing slowly but I am used to this structure. 180 players entered.

I arrived a day early so that I could play some limit poker. I haven’t played live limit poker in ages. It didn’t go well at all. Hands such as K2 off suit etc called my raises. I would flop two pair and lose to rivered flushes and straights. You know how it goes. Sometimes you can’t buy a hand. After losing my buy-in I decided to take a break. I played another session in the evening and lost that one pretty much the same way as the first. I could not get any of my good hands to hold up. I was starting to get frustrated and impatient. I didn’t want to go on tilt before the tournament so I called it a night.

The next day started out much better. I was pleased to see a few women in the tournament, especially as it was on a Friday morning. I had a slow start in the chip building. I was moved a few times and nothing exciting to report for the first four levels. After the second break I was beginning to get short stacked when I got KK in the small blind and my all-in was called by QQ. My hand held up and I doubled my chip stack. I was moved after that hand again. Nothing much to report at the new table, I didn’t get many playable cards. After the next level I was moved again. I was really short stacked by this time I only had ten times the big blind. I got lucky though and had a table that was very tight. I had four players behind me who were tighter than me. If all of the players before me would fold I would raise four times the big blind to get the tight players to fold. They did and I stole the blinds three hands in a row.

I won a couple of hands out right and increased my stack to 21,000 with levels at 2000/4000. They paid out 20 places and at this time we got down to twenty-two players. An older gentleman in early position made a standard raise. Everyone folded to me in middle position. I have AK clubs. I have the raiser covered and all of the tight players behind me covered as well. I decide to go all in and the raiser calls me. He has 33 and his hand holds up. I am out in 22nd place. At the time I felt that I played the hand well. After talking to my husband and women on the forum, I think I could have played it better. The gentleman who called my all-in had stated when he first sat down that he knocked out two people by calling an all-in with pocket twos. I wasn’t worried about a call but I was pretty sure it would be a race. If I had just re raised him another 4000 he may have folded before the flop. He would still have 9000 in chips if he folded the hand and almost another round to pick up better cards. He may still have called but by just re raising him 4000 I would represent a stronger hand and be inviting him to call me.

I was not going to fold into the money. I feel that my game has improved enough to always play to win a tournament not just to get some of my investment back. I came home disappointed but still happy with my play. Sometimes our expectations don’t always come true but I think we should still keep them high.
Lisa "Shion" Torres